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A film called The Quiet Ones that starts with a young patient being kept awake by blasting Slade’s ‘70s anthem ‘Cum On Feel The Noize’ into her room?  It’s a

welcome shot of black humour – and glam rock - suggesting Hammer Films’ new entry in its resurrected horror slate might buzz with a little more wit and

originality than your average scary movie.

Unfortunately that feeling lasts little longer than a Slade single and all too quickly we’re back in a depressingly familiar groove. If Hammer’s previous

spectral story, The Woman in Black, was a worldwide chart-topper, this lackluster follow-up is unlikely to bother the box-office hit parade.

Using the convenient ‘Based on Actual Events’ alibi to strengthen its credentials, The Quiet Ones repurposes 1972’s ‘Philip Experiment’ in Toronto, Canada,

in which academic researchers tried to “create” a ghost and so prove such spirits aren’t actually from a spiritual realm but in fact constructed by the human

psyche (2012’s The Apparition dabbled in the same premise).

So here our patient, teenager Jane Harper (Olivia Cooke from TV’s Bates Motel), a mentally disturbed orphan, is supposedly possessed by a malevolent spirit

named Evey. Maverick Oxford University psychology
Leigh Singer Says
Watch This If You Liked:

    The Apparition
    Paranormal Activity
    Insidious

professor Joseph Coupland (Mad Men’s Jared Harris) is determined to prove that Jane’s affliction is literally all in her head by harnessing and “harvesting”

this negative mental energy – like removing a cancer sufferer’s tumour. “Cure one patient,” he boasts, “you cure all mankind.”

Coupland’s messianic mission is so daft, he’s managed to harvest just two disciples - eager, eye-candy students Krissi (Erin Richards) and Harry (Rory

Fleck-Byrne). Maybe everyone else at Oxford was into prog rock instead. Their number is bolstered by amateur cameraman Brian (Sam Hunger Games: Catching Fire

Claflin), whose handheld recordings don’t just enable Coupland to document his work, but director John Pogue to mix the inevitable – and inconsistent -

found-footage shaky-cam aesthetic into his.
Jared Harris as psychology professor Joseph Coupland.

Jared Harris as psychology professor Joseph Coupland.

It’s just one of numerous horror clichés, old and new, stockpiled into a derivative screenplay: the old dark house with spooky attic, the séance gone wrong,

the creepy doll… “Did you think my head would spin off?” snarks Jane to a wary Brian. Later, someone else explicitly cites The Exorcist. But flaunting your

references doesn’t guarantee you’re smart, merely a smart-arse.

It’s all the more dispiriting given that several recent movies – Insidious, Sinister, The Conjuring, The Woman in Black – have found various ways to

reanimate these tropes. The Quiet Ones fumbles its science-vs.-paranormal gambit not only because it’s overly familiar but is excessively confusing.

A good supernatural tale benefits from a clean set-up: your adopted moppet is the Antichrist; the kid sees dead people; get a phone call and seven days later

a Japanese spider-girl crawls out of your TV.

Here, it’s not just Jane’s haphazard treatment that’s baffling, but the story’s overall mythology. Hard to discuss in detail without spoilers, but when it’s

unclear whether your ghost inhabits an individual, a doll, a house or can just float off randomly around Oxford, it’s more irritating than intriguing. Late

twists about sigils and cults seem desperate. The script snaps back from revelation so often, it might as well be written on one long rubber band.

This lack of confidence in the material is reflected by the shrieking sound cues unleashed at regular intervals – everything from apparitions to handclaps to

popping champagne corks. Suddenly getting VERY LOUD might provide a moment’s shock but few lingering chills. It’s a worse title for sure, but The Noisy Ones

would be more accurate.

Still, the period recreation (brown flock wallpaper the eternal signifier of drab ‘70s Britain) and Instagrammed colour palette is spot-on. And it’s always

good to see Jared Harris as a lead, imbuing Coupland with a Machiavellian yet poignant elusiveness that keeps you guessing. He’s a worthy successor to Hammer

icons Peter Cushing and Christopher Lee.

Newcomer Cooke is also good at conveying tormented Jane’s ambiguity. Claflin’s protagonist, on the other hand, is given little to work with, his Brian a

passive, mopey presence for far too long. Given the small number of characters, it's shocking how underdeveloped they remain. If Jane is perhaps possessed by

two personalities, the other young cast barely offer up one each.